Andrew Brighton
Writer
UK  

DRAFT

INTERNATIONAL CORPORATION OF LOST STRUCTURES

 

An honours and dishonours system

 

A: International

Internationally ICOLS will take upon itself the right to confer beautification on persons. Eligibility is restricted to persons who are dead.

The regular procedure is as follows:

Any ICOLS member can choose to be a postulator of the cause of a person for beautification and to promote all the judicial inquiries necessary.

They will conduct:

    • Informative inquiries regard the reputation of candidate
    • Processiculi diligentiarum and have for their object the work attributed to the person whose beautification is in question;

This collection of e-documents (e-positio) is distributed to ICOLS members forty days before the date assigned for their discussion.

For a period fixed by the Directors an e-meeting (e-congregatio) is held in which the members of the aforesaid e-congregation debate this beautification.

At the end of the fixed period a vote of the members is conducted, the result and an edited version of all e-documentation is submitted to the Directors.

The final decision as to whether beautification is to bestowed is left to the whim of the Directors.

B National

Each national ICOLS devises an honours and dishonours system that shadows their national system of honours.

United Kingdom

1 Process

1.1 Nomination

  • A call for nominations to be disseminated by all means available

  • Anyone one may nominate a person for Honour or Dishonour
  • All nominations must be accompanied by a honoris causa or a dishonoris causa of normaly not more then one hundred words and not less then fifty words

  • All nominations will be vetted by the Central Committee of the UK College of ICOLS meeting in camera

1.2 Award Ceremony

1.2.1 A list of nominees will be sent with the invitation to attend the event

1.2.2 All nominees and nominators will be invited

1.2.3 Honoris causa or a dis-honoris causa for all nominees will be read out before the announcement or determination of the winner

1.3 The Power to Conferement

1.3.1 Conferred by the Central Committee of the UK College of ICOLS meeting in camera

1.3.2 Conferred by Coincidence - Nominations of oneself or friends or others, which coincide with gifts and favours to ICOLS.

In the event of competition for this limited offer, the bigger coincidence gets it.

1.3.3 Conferred on the Night — Conferred during the award ceremony by vote, random selection and any other means determined by ICOLS.

 

2. Orders

Honours Dishonours

(.) Number of Honours in the Category to be Conferred

 

Baronetage of Abuse — For outstanding contribution to the abuse of alcoholic, illegal substance or self. (1)

Knights Grand Cross — For outstanding contribution to verbal, critical or other forms of conceptual assault (1)

KB -The Most Noble Order of Barter (1)

For Services to the Art Trade

OBE - Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the Beautifully Enthralling (1)

For Services to Art and Culture

NBE - Night Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the Beautifully Enthralling (1)

For Services to Pleasure

DBE - Dame Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the Beautifully Enthralling (1)

For Services to Erotic Pleasure

MBE - Member of the Most Excellent Order of the Beautifully Enthralling (1)

For Services to Erotic Pleasure

CBE - Companion of the Most Excellent Order of the Beautifully Enthralling (10)

For Services to Good Times

 

De-Lord — For Services to the Destruction of Art and Culture (1)

(Only existing members of the peerage are eligible)

BKO - Bad Knight Out - For Services to the Destruction of Art and Culture (1)

(Only persons knighted are eligible)

Nighthood — for Services to Keeping People in the Dark (1)

(Only persons of fame and distinction may be awarded this honour)

OM — The Order of Mediocrity (1)

(Only Members of the Order of Merit are eligible)

CH — Creepy Humans (1)

Only Members of the Order of the Companions of Honour are eligible)

KGB — for Keeping on Going Backwards (1)

(Only persons of fame and distinction may be awarded this honour)

SPY — Self-Righteous Prick of the Year (1)

(Only persons of fame and distinction may be awarded this honour)